Written by Fred Van Lente
Illustrated by Joe Eisma
Colours by Gonzalo Duarte
I had held out hope that the series would improve upon what had been a rocky first issue for the new creative team. Sadly with these three issues what I hope is the conclusion of this run/arc the artwork, plot and dialogue have remained flatlined throughout.
The spark of the first 12 issues, that had been carried through from the film, has failed to materialise. Along with the colour and vibrancy. In fact its very difficult to write about this series without feeling as though I am repeating everything I wrote about Issue 13.
Two-thirds of these issues are told in flashback, not that you can tell as it was so poorly handled in Issue 13 that like a bad date you just wanna get to the end of it so no one can accuse you of not giving it a chance.
What plot there is, is finally revealed and its a mess. It some how involves Jack Burton’s ‘Ossified’ remains being sold to a Howard Hawks-esq Japanese businessman, who has been in seclusion since the 1980’s and who buys memorabilia from the decade, by his friend Wang Chi, played by Dennis Dun in the film, who is now a depressed, balding restaurateur with a middle age spread, hilarity didn’t follow. The reason for his depression, Mia Yin, who he and Jack fought so hard to rescue in the film has left him for a ‘dotcom’ millionaire or something, I literally couldn’t careless.
Somehow this also involves Gracie Law, Kim Cattrell in the film, who has gone from ‘investigative reporter’ to ball busting lawyer in the Sigourney Weaver from Working Girl mould.
Along for the ride are the ‘Alpha Group’, a rip-off/pastiche of ‘The A-Team’ but nowhere near as likeable or funny. Instead of Hannibal we have Attila, a ‘sex-bot’ (sigh), and a couple of other guys I’m not gonna waste anymore time than I have to typing about. They even rip the opening monologue wholesale from ‘The A-Team’, three words are changed thats it. I’m literally dying inside as I write this.
In fact I’m not going to continue wasting anymore of mine or your time, but needless to say eventually the plot (ha!), catches up with its own flashback before the final panel sets up another adventure.
I hope that the sales of this title drop off soon and that its cancelled so that the memory of Jack Burton will cease to be tarnished any further and eventual obscurity will befall issues 13 onwards. The one glimmer I take from all this is that John Carpenter is no longer involved in the story process and is merely a ‘special thanks’ on the inside cover.